Is he being manipulative?

Question

I need thoughts. I’ve recently came to the acceptance that my husband has been emotionally abusive towards me. I need to know if he is trying to manipulate me in this scenario. If he isn’t, I will apologize. But I need help seeing it.
Context. My husband has a porn addiction. I didn’t find out until marriage and it has caused numerous problems from our sex life, to how he treats me. He tends to have sudden outburst and takes his anger out on me. I also can’t bring concerns or needs to him as instead of listening to me, he blames me for why I have a need for concern unmet.
Anyways, I recently found more porn on his devices. I told him I could not begin to trust him if he had those apps remaining on his phone. He eventually deleted them, but recently put them back and locked his phone. I told him it hurt me and reminded him I couldn’t begin to trust him with that on his phone. 
I’ve dealt with this problem for years, and for the first time reached out to a support group on face book and asked some women advice on next steps. I don’t want to stay in this marriage but I feel we have not tried everything. Some of their advice was to just leave, or threaten to leave, but one woman suggested bringing other trustworthy individuals when I confront him again to discuss a plan with him. As a last chance for change. 
I locked my phone for a few days as I didn’t want him to see the messages. I was scared of him being angry and going off about it or using some of the stuff against me. None of the stuff was new information. I’m not hiding anything from him. Just the names of the women I disclosed with. 
I told him if I didn’t see any effort (kept apps on phone, hasn’t started counseling) then I would bring others in to start a plan. And if he refused, that would be the end for us. Of course he got mad and went off. He has sense apologized, said he would change the stuff on his phone, and find counseling. I checked today to see the phone was still unable to be unlocked by me so I asked him about it. Here are the messages.

Should I apologize, try to find the messages and just show him? Is he pushing? I just really wanted some protection for myself and these ladies. I need outside thoughts.

Answer

Nope. You're in the right. You've been honest that you've spoken to other women and sought advice. He doesn't have to read exactly that they said. You've been open and honest

Answer

You are scared of your husband. It’s time to move on

Answer

I wouldn't even bother. Even if you were wrong this ONE time (which I don't think you are) I don't think it's even worth your time. You were being civil and he gets aggro with no provocation. He obviously doesn't want to change, I would just leave. With no apology.

Answer

I think you need to understand its AN ADDICTION. Addictions are at times beyond a persons control. Expecting immediate change of behavior is unrealistic. Expecting counceling is realistic. But u need to decide if u can handle the fact he is sick. A sickness causes a person to make unhealthy choices. Its not him 💯 its his sickness. You can not hold him to the standards of a healthy person. He needs help. And even his desire to change will have to come from him having a mental change. Require him to get a councelor so he can begin the process but understand his path of recovery may take some time. Usually porn addictions or any addictions stem from other issues such as child hood trauma, low self esteem, unhealthy coping with stresses etc. He probably is embarrassed. He probably doesn’t want to lose his marriage and disappoint u… but he not healthy. I think a big way to determine if u gonna stay is examine him in other areas? Has he been committed to the relationship Nd handling life responsibilities such as finances, home chores, spending time with u. Or is he also dishonest and struggling in other areas. If he has been genuinely good and consistent in other areas …i think u can trust it is his sickness that causing a failure in this prt of his life. If he failing in other areas then maybe it is a character issue…. And at that point id give ultimatum.

Answer

Don’t apologise. Get a divorce. He needs addiction counselling, anger management and a whole load of other stuff.

Answer

Time to leave. There's nothing here worth fighting for.

Answer

I couldn’t even read all this you were scared he would see you reaching out for help on a problem HE brought into your marriage. Just leave he isn’t worth working on things with and you sway to be happy

Answer

I feel like he’s straight up deflecting from the actual issue at hand: his porn addiction. This isn’t really about advice you got from people he doesn’t know. He is trying to change the narrative to make the argument about that versus the issue between the two of you. To him, it shouldn’t matter so much about what advice you’ve gotten but rather that you’re willing to try to work on the problem out of love for him. I suggest couples counseling which will help with the communication & won’t allow him to skirt the issues or try to turn it back around on you. Would also maybe open the door for him to get the help for porn addiction. I honestly wouldn’t take the bait & continue the texting back & forth. Either he’s willing to work on it or he’s not. His answer will help you know what to do....good luck.💕

Is he being manipulative?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey