TW- Continued to see my rapist

It was 2015, I was 18.

I was infatuated by an older man, he was 26.

He promised me the world, when I struggled with family problems and was abandoned by my mother.

I was raped by the man I trusted. I told him to stop.

I continued to speak to the man who raped me.

I continued to sleep with the man who raped me.

For 4 years. I don’t know why.

Now I feel like I can’t tell anyone, as no one will believe me. I hate myself.