I am so excited for when my little one enter the world but I am so much more nervous about it now. My grandmother (Nina) wasn’t feeling good and out of breathe and went to the hospital. She has cancer in all of her vital organs and bones and fluid in her stomach and tumors in her lungs. I am very sad to say my Nina will not be the one in the room when I give birth anymore and she is my biggest idol and best friend. I absolutely do not know what im going to do without her there and all I can hope is that she isn’t in too much pain right now and will get to see her husband in heaven soon. I was saying my goodbyes this week because im 33 weeks and won’t be able to make it back and already pushed my appointments around and she is very understanding of that. She held my belly and kissed it and was talking to my stomach telling my daughter how she won’t get to meet her and she is sorry and I started ugly crying but tried to stop as not to make my Nina upset. I don’t know what the point of this post is besides to vent a little im at a loss and feel like everything is fake for a second sometimes. It’s selfish for me to want my Nina to stay longer but at the same time I don’t want her to be in pain anymore .