Gut feelings about TTC

I have been TTC for five months and I know it some times takes upward of a year for perfectly healthy couple to conceive but I just have this gut feeling it won’t happen at all.

Before I even take tests I know in my heart I am not pregnant, like absolutely certain. And even before we started TTC I had this very deep gut feeling that I never will be. I feel like something deep down is just telling me that I will never be pregnant and that it’s not something in the cards for me. I would love to be a mom more than anything but for some reason when this feeling overcomes me it just feels like I need to believe it’s the truth. I have no known medical reasons or experiences to back up feeling this way and I’m not sure why I feel so certain about it but I do.

When I get negative tests I’m not really even upset because I knew it would be negative so I never had anything to think otherwise about.

Sometimes my husband will talk about “when we have kids” and in my heart I hear myself thinking “I want that too but we won’t have it”. It’s like I’m mentally coming to terms with it when I have no evidence it’s actually the case and I want kids very much.

Does anyone else experience something like this? It’s just a super odd and I don’t exactly know how to describe it.