Am I the @$$hole for being upset my date canceled to go to his old boss’s calling hours?

Question

So I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple weeks now and I invited him to a Halloween party tomorrow night, to test the waters. We have known each other for 3 years, met in high school, and kind of had a situationship back then but I haven’t seen him in person since fall 2018. 
We’ve been talking about this party for a couple days now and we even planned matching costumes. I’m going as Kim Possible and he’s supposed to be Motor Ed. 
Today he told me that his old boss passed away and that his calling hours are tomorrow night, the same night as the party. I told him I was so sorry to hear that and of course I understand that he probably wants to go pay his respects. However… I also feel like he could do both. Calling hours are usually a quick 30 minutes tops thing unless you’re family right? 
I just have this sinking feeling that he didn’t want to go to the party in the first place and this is his excuse to not go. I am just stepping back into the dating scene after a horribly toxic and emotionally abusive relationship that ended a year ago. I know I’m insecure and it’s probably nothing, so I’m trying to be understanding and supportive. But it just sucks for me, you know? I mean I didn’t tell anyone I was planning to bring him to the party but now I’m just disappointed .
So please tell me, am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I offer to go to the calling hours with him instead of the party to show my support? Or should I just offer to reschedule for something else on a different day?

Answer

Yea you're being unreasonable. Let him go and catch-up another time.

Answer

Yeah this is unreasonable. He may want to stay longer than half an hour, he may want to hang out with his co-workers…and even if he is done in half an hour, he might not exactly be in the party mood afterward. It sucks that the two things conflict, but it’s not like he could have planned it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

100% unreasonable on your part. You don't know how close he was with his boss or the other coworkers. He may want to stay for a bit or even if it is a 30-45 min thing he may not be in the party mood after and just wanna be relaxed at home or even go grab food with old coworkers after ro celebrate the life and reminisce. You can still go to your party but totally reasonable for him to not wanna go. Just reschedule for another time . Everyone deals with death different so you need to respect that with him.

Answer

Yes, you’re wrong ..

Answer

Wow

Answer

I think you know you're being unreasonable but you're hoping someone else will agree with you. I didnt read all the comments but I hope no one does. Yes it's shitty he might cancel plans but someone he was clearly close with or had a good relationship with has died. There will be more parties. His former boss is dead. Do you see the difference here? Stop being selfish. Go to the party and if he shows up great. If he doesn't he doesn't. Be supportive. If you actually act like a good person he may want to reschedule

Answer

Update since y’all really came for me lol -
I am not in any way shape or form mad about him wanting to go to the calling hours, and I have offered him a place to talk afterwards if he wants to. Heavy on the “if he wants to.”
I am disappointed because I was very excited about spending time with him. The party doesn’t even matter to me. I completely understand that shit happens and this was a very unfortunate coincidence. I’m not at all saying the party is more important. I’m not heartless.
And as I said, the last relationship I had was extremely toxic. My ex constantly made up wild stories to get out of things like this, anyone that has been in that kind of relationship knows exactly how hard it is to accept that not everyone is a liar and a manipulative asshole. Okay? 
I posted this not to victimize myself, but to reach out to other people who have been or are in similar situations to see how I “should” feel. I’m human. I’m allowed to feel things, and what I feel from this situation because of what I’ve been through in the recent past, is nervous and insecure. I was hoping that someone would reassure me that he wouldn’t make something like that up just to get out of a party. I got the memo.

Answer

So....what you're saying is that you're inconvenienced because another family had a death.....🧐 Yes, you're @$$hole here.

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You are indeed the asshole 🥴

Answer

So. The owner of the restaurant I work at passed away and his calling hours/service was tonight. Did I have other things planned for my child for Halloween? Yes. Did I not do them? Yes. I went to his services instead because he was one of my bosses. Ur absolutely being unreasonable.

Am I the @$$hole for being upset my date canceled to go to his old boss’s calling hours?

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