My heart is so heavy tonight

Man oh man how my heart hurts & I am SO sad. Call me dramatic or whatever. I had a best friend of 10 years & we are no longer on good terms. She has two kiddos who I have been in their life since they came into this world. When we had our falling out, I was no longer allowed to be apart of the kids lives. I am their godmother. Fast forward almost a year later- my little sister is still friends with my goddaughter. They talk often and play at school. They were messaging each other this evening and my goddaughter told my little sister how much she misses me and wishes she could see me. I feel HORRIBLE. I feel SAD. HEARTBROKEN. These kiddos were like my babies and because me and their mother couldn’t see eye to eye on things & her be supportive, I am no longer allowed to be apart of their lives. It really hurts me and makes me feel like it’s my fault for ending our friendship. Makes me feel selfish for choosing my happiness and piece of mind over my godchildren. I treated them like my own. Helped raise them. Went to every school function they ever had. I was part of their family. I have kept my emotions bottled up but hearing that my goddaughter misses me just makes me want to bust at the seams. I had to vent. I’m not sure how to handle all of these emotions. I’m just sad.