Last time

So me and my bf was supposed to take the kids out for Halloween we had been planning this for weeks so today I asked him were we still on for today. He says maybe because it’s his little cousin birthday, he claims his aunt just texted him and told him about it. I got mad because anytime it’s a holiday he is never available it seems like to me or we make plans and he cancels. I posted about him yesterday on here. I got mad and emotional so I was sitting on the couch a little tear came down and my daughter who is 5 from a previous relationship says mom you crying because of my sister dad lying again. Which was a wake up call for me. I didn’t think she caught on, I gave her a hug let her know I was ok. She went back in her room and I went in my room. He lives in my home state which is 30 or 40 minutes away, keep in mind he chose this apartment we had an argument and he went back to his mom house. My car got hit, then the complex flooded and my car was totaled, I was out of a job for two weeks and I was stuck trying to figure out a down payment on a new car, stuck with a light bill, rent, car insurance on a car that was totaled, trying to find a job and a school for my kids in a new state. I had the world on my shoulders but my parents helped and I ended up coming into some money. So fast forward to today, I was thinking why am I upset why am I crying why am I mad? When he is not any of those things better yet why am I with a person who is watching me struggle, no support no help with his child I’m working I’m tired. I just realized my self worth, I’m pretty smart, motivated, a good mother and I deserve a good man who will love me and my kids. I deserve someone who will care and build with me. I want to get married, I want to buy a house with my husband and I want a family business. I don’t see this relationship going anywhere and I deserve to be in a happy healthy relationship, I don’t deserved to be blamed for someone else’s actions. I try to stay positive I tell myself I’m in a new state heal from this and go explore go make friends. My old friends stopped dealing with me because of him. I’m in a new state with no one my family is in my hometown, I don’t blame him for everything but I do know my part in my decisions I should have said no I should did what I felt was best. I love my daughter but when it came down to the pregnancy I should have put my foot down and did what was best for me. I should have moved based on my needs I should have never let him get in my head and manipulate me or cloud my decisions. The only thing I got out of the relationship was a baby that I’m stuck raising, bills and a lower credit score because he could never get nothing in his name as far as credit scores because his license was expired and if we went to the store his credit card would be declined and his debt card would decline. The deposit on the apartment and first months rent was me he only put 300 out of 2400 that we were supposed to go half on he really fucked up my life. But it’s not too late fire me to turn it around my parents raised me to be stronger than this and smarter as well. I got the brains and skills I just need to use it and stay far away from him. I just needed to vent judge respectfully because I know I was a dumb ass. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I just gotta heal now it’s not easy but I can do it. I believe in me