What would you do?

Question

I’m really really sad, I’m hurting.. I broke up with my boyfriend and blocked him because I felt as though he wasn’t treating me the way I deserved to be treated/ I was giving more than what I was getting. I miss him so much… I wanna give it another chance and text him to try and work things out… I really want to.. (he said he would change before but didn’t which is why I called things off but he’s a good guy… in every aspect besides that) what would you do? What would you say?
~He wasn’t loving me correctly/fulfilling my needs, I would spoil him but he wouldn’t spoil me unless I asked, he never plans anything, no dates, no flowers, none of that…and he never even makes suggestions when I ask what he wants to do, it annoys me! I would do anything/everything to make him happy..just seems like he doesn’t feel the same way I guess, or he isn’t trying hard enough

Answer

He said he would change before and didn't. What makes you think he will change if you get back with him?

Answer

Really it depends on what the issue was, how long it had been going on AFTER addressing it's an issue, what the plan moving forward is and if I'm willing to let it go once it's resolved. What did he do? What did you require of him to see that the behavior has stopped and he's grown as a person? How long did he have to correct the behavior? Are either of you getting outside help like a counselor or therapist? 
Realistically, it's hard for couples to move past something that caused a breakup without professional assistance like counseling or therapy. They can claim it's water under the bridge but when a big disagreement comes up, so does the past. Rarely will people let go on their own. It's important to weigh all of this and see if it's something you want to try to work through. For perspective, I was abusive verbally and psychologically towards my then boyfriend. We separated and I started therapy when he got custody of our kids back in 2011. He started his therapy journey the following year and in 2015 we started couples counseling even though we weren't back together, just thinking about it. Did that for a year in conjunction with individual therapy and got together A YEAR later. Still doing therapy individually and together since then and don't plan to stop any day soon. It's hard work to get in a healthy head space but more so with someone else.

Answer

People have different wants and needs.  They also express their feelings differently.  It sounds like you guys are not able to communicate your respective wants and needs in a meaningful way.  That is ok. He might not be comfortable doing the spoiling thing, and that is something you want and deserve for yourself.  That is what it takes for you to feel loved.  You have expressed this to him clearly and he has not made the effort, because he can't or he won't. He might be a great guy, but he is clearly not the one for you. It is sad, and it happens, but the sooner you heal and move on, the sooner you make room in your life for the kind of love you want and deserve. Be kind to yourself, and be patient, because it will be worth it.  Sending you healing vibes 🧡

What would you do?

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