Losing my mind baby jealousy

I had a miscarriage four years ago. It was with an ex boyfriend. When DH and I got back together I told him all about it. He was kind and let me talk about it for awhile. Eventually it pissed him off and he thought because I was still upset about losing the baby that I was upset about losing the guy. The guy left because I lost the baby. Which of course is upsetting but why would I want to be with anyone who could leave me like that!? So he asked me not to talk about it and I quit talking about it. Now we are married and his brother and sister in law are having a baby. We have talked multiple times about wanting children. With his sister in law being pregnant I can not handle it anymore. All I want is to have a baby. He is now saying he isn't ready to have one but I can't think of anything else. How do I handle the baby fever? We just got a puppy with hopes of it helping me but it's only made it worse. I just want to feel whole again. I feel like a lot of this is stemming from losing a baby but he won't let me talk about it to him! Help!!!