Can this be a safe space ?

I just came here hoping this was a safe space to just let out how I’m feeling . I don’t really have anyone to talk too and I just feel so sad and lonely right now ! And I just ask no one to judge me ! I’m just trying to process everything cause this situation has been hard and idk I just had this hope that maybe there would be something one day . And I know my decision is my fault .

But I’ve been involved with this guy for about 5 years and now we are going our seperate ways ! He had been a tremendous person to me in my life as far as helping me financially get myself in order i have a great car because he’s helped I have good credit because he’s mentor me in a way . We have have been physical with eachother and it’s so hard for me not to be emotionally attached to him and he’s not . There are times when we are “intimate” and he’ll kiss me and majority of the time he won’t and he’s says it’s too emotional for him . And all I can do is respect that but at the same time I hurt so much because I yearn for the affection just a cuddle and kiss and I can’t ask of that from him and it sucks .

I’ve been pregnant by him twice I recently had my second abortion on December 3 and that experience was the worst ever due to that fact they weren’t sure where the pregnancy was ! It makes me sad that I had to do it because yes he says I wouldn’t raise the baby alone but that I have to be realistic about his lifestyle and how he plans to live his life that he won’t be tied down . And I do understand I am dodging a bullet of not being pregnant and having to go through even more emotional rollercoaster . But I just am so sad because i am so pathetic for thinking about the what if so much and it is sooo difficult detaching myself for so long because we live together and idk now that he’s moving away and I am as wel it’s just hitting me cause It’s settled in that I just wasn’t good enough to be with and he will be with someone one day that will be . I am aware this will be an opportunity for me to find myself and live myself when we go our seperate ways and I try to see it as a positive thing for me but gosh it’s is sooo hard . So so so hard . I am just so disappointed in myself . .