Ex gave me bad anxiety

I just off out of a relationship. When I reflect on the relationship I realized. The first couple of months I was love bomb then being gaslighted for month to come. He use my the fact that I overthink to his advantage so much.

Now I’m angry and every time I think about the situation I get really bad anxiety. Heck, the whole relationship, my anxiety increased (anxiety attacks) just replaying scenarios in my head, and I never understood why until now.

I guess upset with myself because I seem the red flags. I asked myself was I being love bomb, instead of asking to slow down. I continued because I wanted a partner.

The gaslighting, I was so sure about. After all of this I still want him. I’m not going back because I deserve better and I’m going to make this doesn’t happen again. Since I haven’t been around him my anxiety has gotten better significantly. I’m not second guess myself

I don’t know how to actually forgive myself for this to move on. How to not want or think about him. Any advice.