Do I tell my husband how I really feel about his mom?

Question

I’ll start by saying my mother in law isn’t a horrible person and I don’t hate her. I put a smile on my face when she’s around and I’m nice to her.
So, my husband likes to invite his mom over every other Sunday to visit our daughter and to watch football.
He always asks if it’s okay with me and I always say yes even though it’s not.
Here are the reasons I don’t
- she stayed married to an alcoholic who abused my husband and his brother their whole childhood.
- she left my husband and brother with a babysitter who also abused them and she stayed friends with her.
- her and my husbands father would smoke and party every night when my husband and his brother were kids and put them in dangerous situations.
- she is an enabler.
- she’s incredibly negative and only talks about negative things when she comes over.
- she and her husband smoke in their house and when she comes over she smells like she bathed in cigarettes.
- she has 3-4 beers at our house then drives home.
- she makes passive aggressive comments to me about what I feed our daughter, screen time and how my mom gets to see our daughter more than she does.
Do I just suck it up and deal with her? Or should I be honest with my husband?
He’s a mama’s boy so it definitely makes it harder.

Answer

I mean i think you are holding on to baggage your husband went through, he seems to be okay with his mom ?The only parts i would be upset about is how she is now, the smelling lime cigarettes and the drinking alcohol, anything else in his childhood just leave it alone, seems like he loves his mom, maybe he forgave her.

Answer

Most of your issues don’t even pertain to you. If he’s let it go, you need to let it go. I would have your husband tell her to change shirts at least when she gets to your house and maybe you should just shut her down when she starts making comments you don’t like. You could also make that Sunday afternoon your me time and just be out while she’s there.

Answer

Definitely tell him. He asks because he wants to know his you feel. You can be honest but kind about it. I wouldn’t want anyone smoking in my house or bringing that into my home as a minimum so it’s understandable that you have issues with her. Suggest maybe a different location like brunch outdoors on less frequent occasions etc. it is his mom and if he has chosen to keep ties with her that would be respected

Answer

Idk why there’s comments saying her past is irrelevant. It is absolutely relevant when she has a relationship with your child now. I would be uncomfortable with someone who abused her child having a relationship with my child now. Tell your husband your thoughts. It’s better to get this all out to him now before you end up having more serious issues with his mom and it seems like it’s coming out of no where that you dislike her. I think her coming over is fine, but your husband needs to be aware her comments are bothering you so he can shoot them down and stick up for you. Tell your husband.

Answer

I do not get in the way of my husband having a relstionship with his mother, regardless of how I feel about her. She is invited in my home so long as she isnt blatantly disrespectful towards me. I make myself scarce. From what I gather, he is not asking what you think of her, hes asking if it's ok if she comes. I wouldnt start ranting about her, personally.

Answer

Stop telling him you're okay with it if you're not. You have concerns and you should be honest with him about them.

Answer

If he’s gotten over the past, you don’t have to hold onto it. But she shouldn’t be smelling like cigarettes being in your home, and it’s not her place to talk about what you do with your child. So I would definitely say something about those things

Answer

Don't hold a grudge for your husbands sake.
My MIL was an alcoholic and she did a lot of bad things.
We have always made it our goal to reconnect and forget the past.
She passed away 3 years ago.
Don't hold onto things your husband seems to have forgiven her for

Answer

The drinking and driving is a huge no, no! Do not provide any drinks and tell her you do not believe in drinking and driving. Sounds like she's got an addiction to alcohol herself and is just functional with it (so far). 
Do not leave your children unattended with her but she can continue to have supervised visits. I know others are saying it's the past but no way would I give her opportunity to abuse my children.
The cigarettes- tell your husband to ask her to wear non-smoke smelling clothing. If he's moved on and forgiven her for the other things, then find ways to have a healthy relationship with her.

Answer

These are issues in his life? 
You didn't live them. You can be hurt for him. But it's not your place to tell him how tou feel about what HE went through.

Do I tell my husband how I really feel about his mom?

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