Reconsidering Adoption ..? (Advice needed)

Hey so I’m 35 weeks and ever since I was about 20 weeks pregnant I have been working with an agency to set up an adoption for my second child. Now that I’m getting so close to term I’m starting to reconsider even going through with it. My agency has been providing me with living expenses and I had spent $900 of it outta the amount they’re supposed to give me. I had decided to use these living expenses because I’ve been unable to work being as high risk as I was delivering in the second trimester and having complications while being pregnant with this one.

In the beginning of this process I felt so sure that this is what I wanted and what was best for my second, now I’m not so sure. Adoption was decided on bc of what had happened between me and their father as he had become physically abusive right when I found out I was pregnant and being unable to get an abortion bc I cannot take care of two kids financially on my own. I know that should be a no brainer… no money for two kids give them to someone who can actually take care of them, right? But I had finally decided to tell my doctor what’s going on as I have kept the plan secret embarrassed and scared of being judged. She told me there’s ways I can make it work and despite how much I had used from the agency the choice is mine if I should give the baby up or not. She said I’m likely not going to make it passed 38 weeks as I’m already decently dilated. Things are really starting to hit now as I’m getting so close.

I had picked out a family. Been keeping up with them. Even seen them prepare for the baby’s room and pick out the name for them. I feel it would be SO WRONG to just not go through with it after all of this. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Ps. The father has never helped out with his first. Has recently mentioned he’s working full time now and making more money. I doubt he would even pay child support if I was to put our second on it. 😔