Is this bad?

I've been incredibly sad lately. I lost my first (and probably only I'll ever have due to fertility issues that I believe are to be severe) baby and then 7 months later to the exact day my dad died. I was super close with him too. My husband and I are financially struggling due to a string of car issues. And now my cousin is pregnant with her 2nd child from some random dude she's been dating for not too long but just broke up with about 2-3 weeks ago. She has a new boyfriend every month and she's knocked up again. It's not fair.... I want my family too... my heart and spirit is just so crushed, I can't take it anymore. I'm at my breaking point. I'm at the point where I've been hoping and praying hard to God that he will allow me to get covid and die from it... is that messed up? Is that bad?

I'm just so exhausted and burnt out...