This is super long so to whoever actually reads it, thank you in advance.

My husband and I have been married nearly 3 years. We have 4 kids (one each from a previous relationship and 2 together). Something happened the night after our wedding and he snapped and was a totally different (and scary) person. He was fine after that night, sweet and loving, but SUPER insecure and always holding my past over my head. About a year into our marriage we resolved those issues but then other stuff started up and the longer we stay together the worse things get. It's constant fighting. Loud, violent fighting literally every day. I try my best to stay calm and I feel like he tries too but it's like we bring the absolute worst out in each other. On top of that he doesn't handle his anger appropriately at all. Punching walls, throwing stuff, taking it out on the kids. He has never hurt any of us and I don't think he ever would but it still isn't right. He also is unfair to my oldest (his step daughter). He literally treats her like he hates her. You can hear it in his voice but he'll deny it forever. They do have good moments but I feel like it's affecting her wellbeing. Along with all of this he doesn't put any effort into our relationship at all unless it involves sex. I'm just not happy at all anymore. I feel like there's so many reasons to leave and none to stay. I've threatened to leave before and he guilts me and says I should just go back to my exes since he isn't good enough and that I don't love him and don't care about him.

My concern is, is it right to end a marriage over this stuff? Everyone keeps telling me "don't leave over fighting. Every couple fights. That can be fixed" but can it really be fixed? He is not open to therapy and even if I convinced him, we cant afford it and don't have a babysitter that can watch the kids regularly. It feels wrong to tear apart our family because of our kids but I also don't want them growing up in this kind of environment. I don't work and am not qualified for any job that will pay enough to cover the bills on my own. We will probably have to leave our home, our town, and school. My kids will have their entire lives turned upside down. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do and I feel totally defeated.