My boyfriend does not believe in marriage

Hi guys sorry to bother you with my personal issues but I need any advice I can get because I’m still confused.

Based on the relationship between my father and mother I used to be pretty much against marriage and children until I met my now boyfriend.

After meeting him and falling deeply in love with him I decided I would give marriage a try but make sure to build and understand my partner so I can be sure that whoever it is I’m getting married to I know and understand them.

When you date you date to marry right? Not just for the fun of it right?

So 4 months into my relationship I realized I was really okay with getting married to my partner and having a future with him so I decided to really understand him and build with him which is why I started chipping in the fact that I would love to have my future with him and build a family with him related conversations we had.

But whenever I said something relating to marriage he would be quiet and seemed pretty uncomfortable. So I felt oh maybe he’s not ready yet.

But the thing is, he would always talk about us in the future with our kids so it was confusing.

Just so y’all know I never said I wanted to marry now

I’m literally just 21! I just expressed to him that I wanted us to start building like make decisions healthy for our future you get? Like let’s actually date to marry.

Anyways when I found out he was uncomfortable(I’m pretty much transparent and love to communicate so I apologized for making him uncomfortable and said I’d stop mentioning anything relating to marriage) which I actually did.

For two more months I didn’t talk about marriage or our future together and one day when we had a sleepover he told me he had something to say.

I was strongly wine drunk so I was on the edge of my feelings. He hesitated cause he didn’t want to tell me when I wasn’t sober but at the end of the day he told me “I DO NOT BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE” I do not understand why it has to happen with and the concept of it” he also told me to not try to understand him cause well that’s what I always do. He told me to just accept it. Now I felt betrayed cause I’m like bruh you made me believe in this shit and want it

You made me feel like love still exists so what’s this shit? ! I was overwhelmed with my feelings and I just told him you know what? Since you’re relocating we would just breakup when you’re leaving.

He said we didn’t have to and we could work it out but I had winely made up my mind.

The next day I was at work and I had flashbacks of the conversation and I actually got mad and kinda furious

I felt like why should I even keep dating him if I know he doesn’t want what I want in the future? It’s literally a waste of time.

So I suggested we breakup. Which we had a little argument about but did

After a day of the breakup my life was quiet and sad.

We had streaks which I updated And he asked me how I was, I told him I was great and returned the question and he said he wasn’t . I knew I wasn’t as well so I thought about it deeply this time. I knew I was hurt but I was also hurting more cause I was forcing myself to quickly get over him when I wasn’t ready.

So I decided id stay and comfortably get over him.

We came to an agreement and continued dating.

After we decided to continue dating I slowly started to get comfortable with the fact that we were temporal. I spoke to him about letting other guys move to me and he said he was okay with that. So I did let them.

He started moving weird, he would text me about how he wants a future with me and wants kids with me and how I can’t understand him and stay by him but I was adamant in my reply which was “if you do not believe in marriage I see no reason to stay by you”. He’d say things like why are you letting men move to you can’t you live without them?. You act like your life is incomplete without them and I’d say stuff like I can live without them but I won’t let a potential partner go without giving them a chance.

He just kept talking to me about staying and how he didn’t want us to breakup at all and wants a future with me but he said still didn’t believe in marriage didn’t want to get married in the future so I wasn’t for it.

Then he told me he wanted us to talk. At this point I had gotten tired of the talks and talks but I just let it happen.

He explained to me why he didn’t want marriage which is also parents influenced. And explained how his life was. After that he told me that we should not breakup and we should work it out. That he is working on himself and his beliefs and he wants me in his future as his partner.

I did give him a timeline of 6months(when he’s relocating) to decide if he does want to get married in the future or not as that would define our relationship status.

Some of my relatives are saying he’s just not ready for marriage that’s why he’s being this way. But I’m not either and I’ve told him I wouldn’t even be in 7 years. While my mum said he has made up his mind and I should respect it and let him be which i agreed to and decided to let go but now he’s saying this.

I’m scared. I don’t know if he’s going to say yes just to keep me around and fulfill what he wants or if he’s actually going to work on himself and mean it, I just really do not want to waste my time.