So I’m in highschool. Prom is in April and March is a week away. Everyone has been talking about prom for like a month already.

But my mom skipped my birthday and Christmas (that’s the usual tho. She never did anything much for birthday for me) well she got me nothing for Christmas too but she got her new kids A Nintendo switch, plus games, plus controllers. Plus each one a gift of their own.

Got me nothing so oh well.

Well she said she skipped it because she’s going to get me my prom dress with a $300 limit. That’s completely fine. That’s a fuck ton of money to me. And her. She’s hella poor. Like food stamps poor. Free lunch poor.

And me two as I live with my dad now as her new boyfriend TW⚠️⚠️ us to hit us for 4 years. Oh but he only verbally hurts us now so it’s fine. Bare minimum right. He doesn’t hit us ANYMORE. TW over⚠️⚠️.

Back to being poor. My school has a $50 Computer fee. And because free lunch program, mine is only a $25 computer fee I HAVE TO PAY. And have yet to pay it because I can’t. And like last year wear a $30 dress from rose to prom that I kinda liked but didn’t love. So when she said $300 limit I got excited.

Now here’s the thing. My mom. She is very guilt trippy. like me and my dad talk crap about her when she does things that are just. Ugh. She’s not the best person but I mean. I’m happy to have her. I mean It could be worse some people have it worse.

Well. Here’s what I’m scared about. And sorry it took so long to get to the point.

I’m scared when I call my mom about asking when she could take me or start looking and stuff. (Info. She ALWAYS waits last minute. Always late to everything.)

And yesterday she was upset and all she had to say is “I’m mad because of the same thing that happens the last 7 years” so I know it’s my fucking step dad doing some dumb ass shit again. Like ugh.

And I know she struggles with money because my step does doesn’t like to work waking HIS OWN KIDS is babysitting. Blah blah. Bad guy. I HATE HIS GUTS but that’s a different thing.

Anyways. One way I figured out she manipulates, ONE WAY. I figured out she would “whisper” to herself about how she really wants/needs and then go in like a “defeated” tone like “yeah. Okay fine.” And “act” like it’s okay.

My scared when i call her and tell her we will probably go “fuck..” under her breath in a tone that’s like. I can’t rn I have no money. And then in a like fml tone be like “yeah sure. Whatever” now here’s the thing. Because of the fighting for 7 years and the BEING THERE with the fighting for 4ish I also feel bad all the time and I’m scared I’ll give in and be like. “It’s fine I’ll figure it out. Don’t waist your money. It’s just prom. I mean. I went last year. And I still have this dress” and I know I will. And I know she is struggling because when I called yesterday to tell her I don’t have school Monday (she takes me on mondays because my dad goes to work at 4am Mondays) and was like “great because I can’t waist the gas rn”

But at the same time. When taking me to the hospital Thursday. (I have chronic illness where I go like every other week. But I got insurance) she was telling me how she put away the money and she needs to give it to me because she’s scared she’ll use it. But I have a feeling she already did to get the fucktard adult baby whatever he wanted. Idk. I shouldn’t even be upset about it but I am.

I am because I’m always left out. I know the internet joke of middle kid gets left out. But I truly feel like that.

Another rant on coming.

My mom paid for my brothers rent for a couple of month. Bought him a NEW king size bed. And like a bunch of RANDOM stuff for his apartment. And the younger kids literally get whatever they want all the time. Every time they say “want” they get basically.

I haven’t even been able to celebrate my birthday since the 7th grade because of “step-dad” not really.

Like just for this birthday all I got was a tub of $2 ice cream she got off food stamps. And I’m very greatful she even did that but. Because it could be worse. I know family that can’t even shop at dollar tree so I really am greatful even if I don’t seem like that. I just. I feel like she spend hundreds on everyone else. But all I’m worth is $2. It makes me feel sad.

And so I’m really looking forward to this dress and I’m just scared I guess.

Sorry for wasting anyways time. I don’t really have anyone to talk to. And I really needed off my chest.

Thanks again if read and leaves anything. Love you all.