Am I overreacting ? Baby’s grandma

Question

I do not co parent with my baby’s father at all we both agreed that it would be best if he wasn’t in his my baby’s life & for other personal reasons. 
My baby’s grandma (his mom) claims to love her grandchild & wants to help me out long story short I took on a good job she agreed to help me every other weekend with the baby I’ve been at my new job for a month & has only helped me for 1 weekend she has a colostomy bag so the other times she couldn’t care for the baby she put that as an excuse. I understand her condition but she could’ve told me this since the beginning she claims that she’s unable to carry the baby because he’s too heavy & her bag might explode those are her exact words btw. Today I decided to completely cut her off I worked a mid shift today & literally 2 hours before my shift she told me she couldn’t take care of him because of her bag she told me to ask the baby’s uncle if he could watch I obviously did not feel comfortable with this & just hung up on her. I’m at work right now in tears because I had to leave my baby with a last minute babysitter I am thinking about going back to my fast food job only because they were very flexible with my schedule. Am I overreacting/selfish for wanting to cut her off? His dad doesn’t even live in the states & we ended on good terms

Accepted Answer

You hung up on her? She's literally telling you what the issue is and you want to cut her off. You're definitely overreacting.

Answer

It’s not fair to cut her off because you’re not getting the babysitter you thought you were. You were using her, and it’s fucked up to cut her off because she has medical issues that she made you aware of.

Answer

I mean shes literally kept telling you she had an issue, so yes, I think you are overreacting a bit. Its not like she was nasty to you.

Answer

I’d just not include her in my child care going forward, while it’s not her responsibility she shouldn’t have offered from the beginning! But maybe she wanted to help out initially and then realized she can’t actually take care of baby or maybe she just wants to see her grandchild occasionally for a couple hours. 
I’d look for a reliable babysitter, someone who you’re comfortable with and baby can get accustomed too.

Answer

I’ve got mixed feelings on this.
On one hand she’s being irritating because she specifically told you she would help and then every chance she gets is saying “no I can’t because of - insert medical issue here” 
Which is fine - I understand that. But at that point she should have removed herself from the childcare schedule and simply say “hey after the first time I realized my medical issues affect the babies care and my health - so unfortunately I have to remove myself from the care schedule but I’ll help you find a trusted sitter”
But also - if she’s used this excuse multiple times, no offense but you sound a bit naive to think that the results will suddenly change just because it’s a new week. After the first mention of the medical issue - I would have said “okay well in order to ensure my child has care while I’m at work, I’d rather look into a permanent trusted sitter so that they are cared for and so you doesn’t have to worry about your bag” 
I get the promise of help from family but if situations change as the mother you need to figure it out, even if it requires some help - it’s your job to ensure quality care for your child. At the same time I get being mad at the grandmother, however I do think cutting her off entirely maybe a bit extreme. That said I would 100% limit her access to the child. 
Like I said - mixed thoughts 😅

Answer

I dn think you did anything wrg, its tough to care for a baby on your own, and the fact that the help offered is not actually helpful doesn’t help…. Nthing against the grandma… i would not leave my baby anywhere near a person even my mom, if they are not able care at same level as me… nthing wrg about choosing who should care or not for your baby… its your baby and you decide… guilt free…..

Answer

I don’t think you need to cut her off. It sounds like she’s not comfortable with baby’s needs. She should’ve told you no from the get, but cutting her off is extreme. I would talk about it with her though.

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as someone who has worked with people with colostomy bags she is full of it. people with colostomy bags live normal lives

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It’s your kid not anyone else kid so do what and how you please with your kid if they allow people no matter if it’s family members or not to walk in and out of their kids lives that’s on them give it to God not this misunderstanding app

Answer

So devils advocate here I don’t think you were wrong and I would have cut his whole family off the moment he decided not to be in my child’s life. Sorry not sorry. But she can’t be hurt by people she don’t know🤷🏽‍♀️ 
Also gma knows how important working is and how stressful finding childcare is, she’s blatantly disregarded your needs as a mother who has to work to care for her child. Yes she is I’ll and her story about the bag bussing may very well be true, so with that being said don’t make commitments and promises you can’t keep. Especially if it keeps happening and you keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. 
If she wants to see her grand child cool take him by to see here for a few but she should not be anyone caretaker as she can barely care for herself. 
I don’t think you’re bitter, young maybe, but not bitter. Just frustrated.

Am I overreacting ? Baby’s grandma

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