Scared to give birth again after trauma

I’m 12 months postpartum, 6 months pregnant (got pregnant on BC 🥴) and this is our third baby. With our first born she came natural & I only labored for 2 hours! It was extremely painful but so fast.

With our second, our baby boy, his umbilical cord prolapsed and I was rushed to emergency c-section. I was put to sleep, stopped breathing, and woke up at the very end of being closed up and could feel EVERYTHING (worst nightmare of my life) I woke up again shortly after and felt like I had literally been chopped in half. I still didn’t have anything for pain. They finally gave me pain meds shortly after. I saw our precious baby boy, held him so close and nursed him (I barley remember 💔) thankfully he was healthy!!!

Three hours later when we were going to sleep I felt something extremely cold on my belly. so I looked under the blankets and saw blood everywhere. I was bleeding out. My incision opened completely back up!

I was rushed away again, uncertain of what the next few minutes hold. I was in & out of it. Hanging on to life by a thread. All I could think about were my babies. I could not talk or open my eyes, but I could hear everything. Then I started having really weird “visions” of outer space. It was crazy.

I was closed back up and given a blood transfusion. I was also put in an iv of antibiotics & had to stay in the hospital an extra 2 days. 5 days total. The first few days were horrible I was in the worst pain of my life. I had blood clots in my incision and the pain meds just made me loopy. Healing was very long and I thought I’d never be the same.

I got on birth control at 6 months postpartum and then was pregnant about a month later. It was a huge surprise! I’ve been terrified about giving birth again!

I’ve changed doctors and I love my new doctor. I trust her and feel very comfortable with her. We have a plan in place (induction, epidural right away)

Any advise From other moms who have had traumatic births and then went on to have a good, safe birth? Since my first born was a wonderful & easy delivery I know my body can do it, but at the same time my body isn’t 100% the same due to the trauma.

This is my incision now. 12 months later.