Being pregnant is not fun

I feel like everyone who asks me “how do you feel?” just wants to hear me say “oooh it’s so magical!” when I just want to say “I feel like garbage every single day and I have for months, and I’m not even half way through.” I’m sure pregnancy is a magical journey for some people, but I am in constant discomfort, I feel fat and ugly, I get out of breath just walking, I am always hungry but can’t enjoy eating because of the nausea and acid reflux. I can’t do anything and am constantly having to skip activities because all I can do is just make it to work. I’m no fun to be around because I’m always preoccupied and distracted. My back hurts so bad I wanna cry. No amount of sleep is enough, I sleep away my whole weekend and don’t feel any better. My emotions are a complete mess and everything makes me furiously angry or ridiculously sad. I am having a constant existential crisis about what it means to have a child in this screwed up world. I have PTSD from my miscarriages. I am filled with weird thoughts of people in my family dying and feeling guilty that I didn’t have a baby younger so they could spend time with them. I look in the mirror and feel old and fat. I want this baby so much, the little girl I’ve hoped I would have for so long. I’m so scared and miserable. I want to be happy, my logical brain knows I should be, so why do I feel so awful?