I already have 2 boys, 13 and 8, and I'm now 27 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I have 4 sister and many nieces and nephews so I am more than comfortable and experienced with babies but a recent family tragedy has made me feel very uneasy about things.

Late last year my father in law passed away suddenly a few days after we found out we were expecting. He was so happy and was the first to say he thought we would have a girl, and was right. But since his passing was so unexpected it rocked our family in a big way. Everything felt off, like it wasn't really happening. And for thw first few months of my pregnancy I was convinced it was a joke or a dream. I wanted to be pregnant, I wanted to be happy but felt ashamed to. My mother in law didn't help, she almost took offence any time the pregnancy was mentioned, like I was trying to take attention from what had happened.

She still acts offended by it, but I don't let that bother me anymore because I know he was so happy about it.

For the past week though, as my date gets closer, I am starting to worry that it's bad timing, thatour other kids are too much older and that we finally got out of the little kid stage to jump right back in to cots and bassinets.

I also worry that my mother I law, who has already spent the past 8 years acting like she is the mother of my kids and I'm the baby sitter, is either going to latch onto my baby girl and overstep again (she has no experience raising girls) or she is going to to the exact opposite way and look at my daughter in the same way she looks at me. Just because of the timing.

I'm trying to stay calm and wait to see what happens but my anxiety is building as I get less and less sleep. So tough finding a good position to sleep in.

And to top it off, because of how raw everything is I can't speak to Mt husband about his mother and the way she is affecting me because it was his father who died.

I don't think I'm looking for advice, just a chance to vent and rant and say what I've needed to hold in from my family.