4th pregnancy/2 miscarriages

I'm pregnant for the 4th time. My last two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. One between 6-7 weeks and the other between 9-10 weeks. I can't even put into words the emotions I've been feeling with this one. The day I found out, I thought things I never thought I'd think. I questioned if I even wanted to risk putting my body and mind through that again, and then I felt guilty for thinking that. I'm terrified. The first miscarriage definitely caught me off guard..the second one I knew something was off and no one was listening to me. The morning after I went to the ER and was told my levels looked fine, I miscarried. I started to question what was wrong with me and my body..

So far I've been feeling everything that's to be expected-fatigue, nausea, sore boobs, discharge, cramping, and today I've had such a nasty taste in my mouth.

I haven't notified my doctor yet. I'm going to wait until I'm closer to 7 weeks cause they do ultrasounds at 8. And I have no urge to tell anyone yet, not even my parents or in-laws. Usually I'm terrible at keeping things a secret, but after the last two times I just want to keep it to myself for now.