A little back history. So my mom has never spent a night alone with my son. Even when I sleep over at her place and try to let her out him to bed, the second he whimps or asks for me, she tells me take him, train him to sleep without you. And I wonder how am supposed to do that if am the only one putting him to bed. He loves her so much and when she sleeps at my place, he asks for her when am putting him down but if she comes and I dare leave, he cries for me too. My husband works away from home so she is his 2nd go to person. When he visits, if he is up to it, he puts him to bed and even if my son cries, he tells me not to interfere or go in and he handles it.

But when I give birth in 3 months, my husband will be in the hospital with me. So today I asked her if she is ready to spend some nights with him when I give birth. Her reaction was "isn't your husband coming" I said he is, but he will be in the hospital with me. Then she paused and asked me "but you give birth and come back" and I calmly responded "well, I might have to stay in the hospital for a few days after my csection" at this moment I knew she is secretly panicking. So I told her anyway, maybe my husband can always come to sleep at her place while I stay in hospital to help with the toddler. Her place is 5 minutes from the hospital and mine 30 minutes.

Anyway now am here concerned about my toddler. I know with my last csection, I couldn't walk the first day and I needed support to use the rest room the second day and third. I wasn't allowed to carry baby for push the baby bed and so my husband took the baby for all diaper changes and checkups and on day 3, I tagged along slowly but he was there. I still suffered struggling with stuff since in his mind he thought I preferred privacy than help. But his presence helped. I can't imagine going through that again with no one there just because he has to stay home to keep our toddler. How do I get my mom ready to take charge? She has had 4 kids but even when I leave her to baby sit for 5 hours on days I have appointments, I can return home and find my toddler still in the night diaper, she thinks it is ok to skip brushing teeth if you ain't in the mood, will feed him an apple and brag how he ate an apple all morning even if I leave meals prepped. Like how hard is it to serve means I have left on the table. Or if she takes him out to play, will be back within 15-30 minutes and tell me how much they played a lot. I don't know how she raised us honestly. I know she wasn't a SAHM and thus other people did a lot of upbringing but still, some things are so basic. She knows it ain't good to keep a kid in a diaper for a long time. I grew up with her telling us she never bathed any of her new horns because she was scared of how vulnerable they were but it never hit me that she doesn't know how to do much. she gets taken up by her phone and before she knows it, it is midday. In this time my son is happy because he gets to watch all the TV he wants. He only gets stuff he cries for or insists on which is good, because he will tell her he is hungry but sometimes he forgets to eat and she won't remember to be the adult and initiate. He won't remind her that he needs a diaper change though. I really need her to be ready to be a good guardian in 3 months and I don't know how to do it. As a first time mom, she taught me nothing. She wasn't even present as she was going through her stuff. She missed the birth because she was out yet I laboured from her home since it was closer to hospital. She asks me how I know stuff. And I tell her I taught myself and invest in research. I read a lot. I believe in intentional parenting. And I have to teach her a lot about the kid. It is painful to watch her trying to dress him. She sweats. I never say much out of respect but am concerned as a mom about my son. Also she can't handle it emotionally if I said sth. She says I should trust her but I don't see how she puts in effort to improve and not just give him basic minimum. She won't let him burn, or starve. But I want more than that. I need her to maintain his routine. Good sleep and eating and cleaning times. Ps. She loves my son so much. But I also need her to do stuff. How do I get her ready? She is panicking too about keeping him completely for 3 days. And no, I don't want her to be in the hospital with me and my husband home with our son. I don't feel comfortable with her helping me shower or go to the toilet or bending to help me wear my pads and pants while dressing because in those first days, I can't bend either. She hasn't seen me naked since I was like 8 years. Also if I took my son else where, she would be so insulted.