Am I the asshole?

Question

Hello So for a bit of pretext my girlfriend and I have been together for a year now. We do long distance (3 hours apart) relationship and see each other about once a month. She is Ace and I am lesbian. We have talked about being together physically and I told her that I am ready and that when she is ready than to let me know. However I have been feeling very neglected in that area and want to have $ex, but I don’t want to feel pushy either. I once thought about maybe bring in another person into our relationship so I can be intimate with them, but I really don’t want to ruin what we have. What should I do?

Answer

Does your partner ever have a desire to be intimate? Many (but not all) asexual folks don’t. In which case y’all need to have a conversation about what you expect from your relationship. Introducing the idea of another partner for you is premature if you haven’t talked through those other things first and could be extremely hurtful.

Answer

I think it’s time for you to have a discussion with her. It is OK for you to discuss how you’re feeling when it comes to sexual intimacy and see where she is at. You’re not being pushy by asking her if she intend on having sexual intimacy with you. If it’s a hard no, discuss the possibility of a sexually open relationship. Either way respect her decision whether it is yes or a no and if it is yes set some ground rules or think she is or isn’t OK with when you’re having sex with other women.
If it is a hard no on both the sex and sexually open relationship then it may be time for you to start considering the possibility that this might not be the best relationship for you. I’m a person who loves sex, my partner does not identify as ace but I’m pretty certain they are. Little things like “sex has never been a big deal for me” and “I don’t really have the urge to have sex like most people do”. We’ve been together over a year and we’re getting married on Friday. We’ve had sex maybe 6-7 times in the past year. So about once every other month. At first this really bothered me until we had a discussion about it and decided to figure out other forms of intimacy aside from the sexual intimacy and we have made it work. I have my toys when I get the urge and they aren’t in the mood. That is something else You May want to try is if it is a hard no other forms of intimacy that make you feel just as close.

Answer

Discuss!
Ask your parnter whether she wants and/or is okay with having sex at all with you. 
If not or rarely, ask her if she'd be okay with an additional partner or an open relationship. Be clear on the fact that it doesn't lessen your romantic feelings for her. 
If you can't come to a satisfying conclusion after one or multiple conversations, maybe this relationship isn't working out for you.

Answer

I feel like I would communicate have your ideas open to them and let them talk to you about what their feeling

Answer

See if she is ok with an open relationship. Then whenever you feel sexual desire you can go to someone else for sex. Bringing someone else that your girlfriend trusts into the relationship might also help. Hope I helped! :)

Am I the asshole?

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