Should I change my last name

This isn’t so much about the argument of wether or not women should or shouldn’t take mens last names but more about my situation specifically. People have lots of different opinions and they are all valid. Can we please avoid any responses that are like “you don’t have to!” “you shouldn’t because…..”? I know I don’t have to and I know those reasons and have considered them and made my personal philosophy on the subject. Continuing on….

So some background I divorced in 2011, I have a son from that relationship who is now 15. When I married in 2004 I did take my then husbands last name. That way we all had the same last name, his daughter from a previous relationship, us, and our child. Also I didn’t really like my last name and it moved me from near the end of the alphabet to near the start. People who’ve never been at the end won’t understand the struggle lol.

When I divorced I did not change my last name back to my maiden name for mostly the same reasons. My son and I would have the same last name, I didn’t care for my maiden name, and I like being at the front of the alphabet.

Recently I became engaged to my future husband. He’s made several casual comments that lead me to believe he is assuming I’ll take his last name. It’s not something I had thought to discuss up until now and I want to sort my own feelings out before I bring it up. And crowd source some opinions/experience.

He has a daughter, 16, whose last name is hyphenated moms-dads as they never married and it was what they chose. And he has a son, 10, who has his last name. My fiancé was not married to his sons mother when his son was born but she did take his last name when they eventually married (I don’t know if she kept it after their divorce, I had to block her on social media a long time ago but that’s a story for another day).

So now That you all have some background on all involved parties here’s what I’m struggling with.

If I change my last name I won’t have the same last name as my son and it will make me sad for some reason I can’t pinpoint or express. I haven’t talked to my son about it yet but I should see how he feels about it. If I don’t change my last name I won’t have the same last name as my future husband. I know a lot of people don’t care about that but I personally do (for me, you all do what you want😘)

I don’t want to hyphenate. Im not judging people who have hyphenated last names by choice or birth, it simply isn’t my preference.

And of course my fiancés last name is even closer to the end of the alphabet than my maiden name 🤦🏽‍♀️ I know that’s petty and silly but it’s a thing I think about. Don’t judge me lol! And even though it moves me down in the alphabet it’s a good last name and easy to spell.

Also my fiancé has two brothers both who have married so the whole clan has the same last name (cause kids too). I don’t want to be the odd one out. I’ve also known my fiancé, his brothers, his mom, and one of the wives since high school. It’s hard to explain why I mention that. I guess it’s because I feel like his family is a lot closer than mine and I want to be part of the tribe or something like that.

I thought about also changing my middle name when I take his as last. You can change the whole thing at once when you marry. So was thinking it would be like this

Firstname middlename sonslastname newlastname

I know I wrote that weird but it would give me the option to change my signature depending on the situation. Because you can also sign your name however you want. Like you can do “intial plus last name” or like “2 initials and last name” or “first name middle initial last name” or just your first and middle if you want, really endless combinations. Like it would make me a chameleon. And also it would avoid me having a conversation about this 😆 He’s fantastic and we can totally have an adult conversation about this topic but both of us are pretty non confrontational and that means I just don’t want to bring it up. Once I do it it will be fine I would just rather go out of my way in a crazy manner to avoid it because I’m a little crazy.

So anyway I have a lot of thoughts. Anyone have any advice? Or thoughts? Or been in a similar situation?