I would have lost my mind TW

I was watching this video that was honestly quite wholesome and you’ve probably seen it because it’s viral. Someone gave their kid a Roman candle and let him just do his thing and at the end he intentionally shot it at the person holding the camera and they all laughed.

I jumped. I watched it again and enjoyed their laughter and thought it was pure. But honey oh no.

I would not be laughing. I would be so mad I would probably look possessed by the devil. Everyone would be like wtf. Valid reason though.

So my family always celebrated the 4th of course like most freaking Americans do and they always taught us safety with fire works because if you’re acting like an fucking idiot someone can be seriously hurt.

I have this cousin. I think he has half a brain. He has pissed me off half my life BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON WHENEVER HE DID HIS STUPID BULLSHIT THAT GOT HIS ASS BEAT BY HIS MOMMA, I was in his line of fire.

Fuck that kid.

Anyways, so one summer we are all out popping fireworks. I was actually on the sidelines because as I got older it got more fun to just stand out and watch. And this kid lit me on fire, and I remember every single second of it. I don’t even know how he did it, but I know he was doing some stupid shit and all I saw was bright green fire and all the sudden I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, I can’t even scream. My entire arm and chest was being burned, and I felt every layer of my skin burn away. I couldn’t get anyone’s attention because I was instantly paralyzed with pain but my mom saw me after a few moments and put the fire out.

All I remember is the sounds of my screams, I remember seeing the burns..which was horrific..and then I’m in the hospital feeling like I’m on cloud 9.

I had 3rd degree burns on my chest, right breast, and right arm.

I have an idea of what hell maybe feels like. And I’m only talking about this because I’m kinda triggered. It literally gave me flash backs and I need to talk about it. I do not ever think about it but right now I can’t help it.

I literally hate my cousin. He’s a grown ass adult that still does wreckless shit and I got torn up my whole life by his stupid ass and then the last time I got hurt because of him it was a severe and traumatic injury. I would always look him directly in the eyes before he did his stupid fucking shit, I don’t think he ever did anything intentionally to me but just the few seconds I had to think before I knew pain was about to hit me, I’d look straight at him and think “how can someone be so fucking DENSE.”

And I still look at him like that every time I see him and i want to throw him out of a 3 story window.

But we can’t do that, because it’s illegal. So I act like an adult and avoid him like the plague 😇 and I don’t like fireworks anymore and only watch them from inside and far away.

I feel so ridiculous being that way. It sucks. I feel really lame because everyone loves the 4th and popping fire works . But if I’m outside with fire works I cant sit still. I cant breathe, I just panic. I feel like I’m going to get burned again even though I KNOW it’s irrational. I am so much more comfortable inside and so much more able to enjoy the fireworks.

I dread the 4th of July every single year because it makes me remember. It’s weird