I’m so hurt

You know all relationships come with problems…that’s just normal and the fact that after 8 years of trying, 8 years of accepting, forgiving, crying, loving, having fun, going through the ups and f**kin downs I officially pushed my best friend away. I let “ I will never trust you “ slip out out of anger and I was in the moment accusing him of something I literally had no proof of and for no reason now that I think of it. Something so petty and stupid just costed me my relationship. It’s been 11 hours since our last words ( me dropping him off to his moms and him telling me he just can’t ) I feel so stupid and dumb. I miss him so much..-I honestly don’t think he’s going to come back and that’s why it hurts so bad. I’m tired of crying because it just makes my head pound and there’s only so much sleep your body will let you get. And before our last words even after the argument he let me know how great I am and how much I mean to him regardless of our messed up past. And how he doesn’t know how’s he’s gonna break it to his daughter because I’m literally her best friend…And that just broke my heart..i feel so emotionally damaged at times where the past effected me and I’ve been working so hard towards healing..and things have been good..until I said that. Like I dunno…im trying not to beat myself up. I just keep thinking about it and about the times where I was being a bitch and all he wanted to do was love me but I couldn’t get past our past…his communication has never been spot on and even recently we argued about being responsible and communicating because we have bills and his daughter..like maybe we’re better off but I just don’t want to b without him…he packed his stuff but left all his daughters stuff, some of his clothes ( more so the shirts I bought & a few work shirts ) he forgot his Xbox power plug , his tvs , and little random shit. But of course he’d come back to get the stuff I just know I miss him…typing this out right now has actually got me to stop crying..I just can’t fight the urge to keep waking out of my sleep to see if he’s next to me and checking my phone and to txt and call him..im giving desperate vibes to myself idk..I need kind words please..I don’t really have friends so yes im seeking strangers attention 😞😞😞