Losing hope
Just tested myself 12 days after IUI (I know it's early, couldn't help it). I haven't been feeling any pregnancy symptoms except for fatigue (which is not unusual for me as I'm an intern in residency. Anyway, it was a BFN.
The moment I saw the dark control line appearing without the second line, I felt like I saw my entire past and future flash before me. The moment I found I was pregnant the last time, the moment I found out there was no fetal heartbeat, when I discovered I had a septated uterus, those endless doctors appointments, my surgery, my long recovery from surgery...I had an image of us trying IUI again next month, and the month after that, and then IVF, and then filling out adoption forms, looking into surrogacy. I'm trying so hard to live in the moment but I feel like I'll spend the rest of my life looking at these pregnancy tests, waiting for the second line to appear. I feel so empty. I wanted it to be positive so badly. I wished and I wished. I'm losing hope and I'm seeing everyone else around me get pregnant. It just feels like being pregnant isn't in the cards for me.
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