Why did I do this again?

First baby shower - only my mother and grandmother in law and one friend showed up. Out of like 20 people that RSVPed yes. I was heart broken and traumatized.

Second baby shower - didn’t even want to have a baby shower this time. Two of my friends convinced me to do it. Now it’s the day of and two families have already texted saying they’re not coming. Here we go again.

Along with my nausea coming back after 3 months gone, sciatic pain, and a nasty headache. Why did I do this to myself again?