Mom thinks I’m not a ‘good’ mother?

Question

I’m 25 and had a baby last September (she’s 7months). This was a surprise but a welcomed surprised so my parents were over the moon happy. The first 3 months my mother offered to help me with the baby. I basically only carried her to feed her basically that’s how much my mother was involved carrying her. Anyways I started school this semester and I usually go to my room( I live in the back it’s like a studio) and work on my assignments and all that. Well lately my mom keeps saying things like “ yeah that’s why it’s important to be in your child’s life 24/7 and just not go to school or work to be involved” and I’m like well yeah I wish but I have school work sometimes and she just gets quiet. She also knows that I start my online classes at a specific time and lately she’s been coming home at a later time which I mean I don’t care I can watch over my baby and do homework no problem. It’s kind of like shes over/done with taking care of my baby all the time and honestly It probably sounds bad but I got comfortable with her taking the baby off my hands so I can get work done. 
 I would LOVE to be with my baby 24/7-I am actually jealous of her relationship with my mother.
 in a couple weeks I will be completely free to be with my baby all the time but at the moment I am in school.

Answer

Your mother doesn't think you aren't a good mother she thinks it is time for you to step up and take responsibility for your own child. Which she is right. You said it yourself that you got comfortable and you know you will have to step it up.

Answer

Unfortunately this is the hard reality of life. Mom doesnt think youre a bad mom but she is noticing your complacency and dependency on her. You chose to lay up. You chose to have a child. So now u have the responsibility of caring for the child and juggling life. And your mom has help you tremendously but doesnt want to handicapp u to the point u cant function and multitask because u have a baby.

Answer

Theres a difference between being with your kid 24/7 and expecting your mom to be the primary caregiver. I worked from home with a baby with no help, and yes it's tough to juggle, and no my kids didnt get my full attention all day every day, but I still did their feeding, diapers,  a couple spurts of playtime etc until my work was done, then evenings and weekends I was more attentive, did dinner bath and bedtime at night etc. Your mom may be willing to help out, but not be doing most of everything, that doesnt mean she expects your undivided attention to baby 24/7. It doesnt mean youre a bad mom, but perhaps got too comfortable with her being the primary caregiver, and now it's time to step up more.

Answer

I mean you're trying to better yourself.

Answer

I can see where she’s coming from but at the same time, as a mom myself, if I knew my daughter only had another month or so left of schooling before being able to make a better life for her and my grandchild, I’d continue to help but also set some clear expectations. “I’m proud of how hard you’re working but baby needs mom and once school is done, I’m going to back off of the parenting so you can take on that role more”. From experience, my MIL would have taken my babies full time and I swear she wanted to but I obviously wouldn’t let her. Now that the kids are older, she lives 5 minutes away and we go months without seeing her. No offense but your mom enabled you to get used to her having the baby and you took advantage of the time to get schooling done (which I don’t necessarily think is bad) but now it’s time to get back to parenting and raise your kiddo.

Answer

Was she a young mom and didn’t finish school?

Answer

This is a very common issue and it sucks! I'm sorry you're going through this. I am also still in uni and my son goes to daycare a few days a week. He loves it there and I don't have to rely on anyone's willingness to watch my child. But here in NL daycare is subsidized, so I don't know if that would be an option for you financially. I could never afford it if it wasn't subsidized. But I would really try to find other ways to have someone look over your child while you do school work... 
And you are not a bad mom for working/going to school, you are building a future for you and your child and you're giving her a great example! Don't believe what your mom says! ❤

Mom thinks I’m not a ‘good’ mother?

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