Am i wrong for leaving my step dad alone after my mother died?

My mother died a couple months ago I’m currently 22 about to be 23, she died suddenly and only at 53. This hurt me so bad but I just don’t show it because it doesn’t feel at real to me? Months later it still hasn’t sunk in for me the fact of her being gone?

Anyways I left my step dad to visit my boyfriend in a different state and I wanna stay here until my boyfriend finish’s his schooling next year and then we can together go back to mine (we are sick of long distance)

My step dad keeps calling me selfish and evil for leaving him without telling him much, he says no sane person would do something like that and he keeps telling me how he has no family just me etc.. he was saying how he knows more about my mother and keeps telling me how do you think mom would feel with you doing that? He brings her up about stuff I wanna do and it makes me feel like he’s trying to quilt me. He also keep saying how I need him, he doesn’t need me. And I’ll regret it, if I ever cut contact. He says he can cut anyone out his life he’s done it many times..

I feel no connection with this man whatsoever I hate him as my step father for the abuse I took from him when I was younger him slapping my ass when he felt like it, him coming laying next to me in my bed, hugging him he would put his hand on my butt and press me against him closer, saying comments about my appearance like “hubba hubba” or some other shit, last thing he did was say how he had a dream about me taking a shower with him. This is just some gross stuff I’ve endured..

On top of that he has anger issues and would hit me or my mother from time to time especially when he was hung over. Me and my mom couldn’t leave though since we had no money and he was basically making all the money and taking care of us.

I hold a huge grudge, I despise this man greatly and I feel as though it’s karma. But I’m not sure if I’m right.. he did stop all this though around a year ago(not the hitting though) and he wants a relationship or whatever but I literally just can’t- my grudge it too deep, I will not forgive no matter what. Being an adult now I have issues because of it.