Will be 40 in Aig

I am not sure why I came here. I guess hoping to see women facing the same challenges. So, I have a 14 and 12 year old. I have not used protection, but now I feel I am going n my last efforts to have a child. I have a doctor's appointment the 20th. I think I might be perimenopausal which makes things more difficult. I am trying to avoid fertility treatments and know that if we do not have any naturally then we are done. I have found it more difficult finding all these pregnancies. I am happy for but it is also gut wrenching and I find myself in tears because while I am happy for everyone, a part of me is crying every time it does not happen for me.