Just need to vent...

Okay, this will be a very long post so if you read it, thank you. TW - toxic/narcissistic mother.

So let me start off by saying I am 1 of 3 girls who were raised by a narcissistic mom. My 2 sisters were her favorites growing up, as my dad and I were very close and she couldn't stand that (they split up when I was 3). So none of my accomplishments (sports, good grades etc) were ever made a big deal of by her, I was never celebrated as an individual, it was always a case of "all my daughters are great" even if my sisters never accomplished or excelled in anything.

So let's ffw, I am now turning 30, married with a beautiful daughter who is turning 3 and 5 months pregnant with our baby boy. My sisters and I are quite close, but we all have some trauma from our childhood. One of mine, well, more a characteristic I developed, is I am very analytical and straight forward.

So if you tell me something, I'm not going to try and find a hidden meaning in it. I also don't like to be left to read between the lines or read into what people may be implying - tell me straight up and I do the same. My husband says it's very easy for him as he never has to wonder if I may be angry or not, because I tell him straight up and I even tell him what I need from him to fix it. And because of how both my husband and I grew up, we decided that we will be raising our kids equally and that their accomplishments and they as individuals will be celebrated. We won't be doing to them what our parents did with us (he has a younger half-sister who is his moms favorite)

My husband and I really struggled to fall pregnant again and my family knows everything we've been through in this pregnancy so far. With my daughter a few years ago, a MASSIVE deal was made about her and the shower was amazing, we received so many sentimental gifts (which is way more special than expensive ones) and things we really needed. 3 years later, with a boy on the way, we don't really have many baby things fit for a boy or even neutral in color.

We moved last year and now live about 5 hours aqay from both our families. So for a while now I've been telling my mom, that should they decide to throw a babyshower for us, we would unfortunately need to be part of the discussions and planning as we live so far away and my husband and I have very high demand jobs. So it won't really be able to be a surprise, which I'm 100% cool with.

Yesterday we were talking about my daughter's birthday coming up and my 30th also coming up, and then I again said, that they need to let me know about the babyshower so we can start planning our side and saving for the trip. My mom then tells me no, her and my sister spoke over the weekend and they thought instead of a shower, because I'm already a mom, they will just give me money or vouchers and I can go get what I need.

Now, I'm not an ungrateful person, but that really triggered me and what I went through growing up, and made me feel that my son isn't important enough for them to put more of an effort in than just buying a voucher... Like that's what you buy for a collegue or someone you don't know very well.

So I messaged her and told her this... To which I received a bunch of messages telling me how I've now hurt her by even thinking that that was really all they would get me, she wanted to surprise me, couldn't I have just thought for myself that maybe she is trying to lie to me and that they would still give me a shower.

So long story short - I'm the bad daughter who hurt her and doesn't know her...