I've miscarried.

I'm so sad to say that I have miscarried my first baby. It's so sad, and I have felt every emotion it's possible to feel. It's week 9 for me, and we think the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks or so.

So it may help anyone else out there: I went for my first scan, and the baby was measuring a week behind. Not great news, but it happens, so we took some blood tests. My hcg hadn't doubled in 48 hours, and my progesterone was low (which helps the baby 'stick').

I got prescribed progesterone supplements to take to help. About 2 weeks later I go in for another ultrasound. The baby grew! We saw a yolk sac, fetal pole, and a tiny baby. I was excited and for the first time, hopeful.

The following week, we went back to see if we could find a heartbeat, and we couldn't see much of anything besides the sac. She said I had a lot of gas, which was making it tough to see, but I knew that wasn't good.

Flash forward almost one week later, yesterday. I started getting brown discharge in the afternoon. I thought I had gas or something, but then realized that old familiar feeling of cramping. I went to the bathroom and there was bright blood.

I went to the ER, where they confirmed what I knew in my heart was happening. The doctor said it sounds like a miscarriage. There's nothing they could do, and since I had my ultrasound booked for the next day, today, we decided to go to my OB with any further tests.

Last night when I got home, I was bleeding, but not a huge amount yet. Horrible cramping. Really bad. But I got to sleep after taking two Tylenol (I'm still trying to be cautious and not take the powerful stuff).

This morning I have been having severe cramps, and passed very large clots. Enough to fill the bottom of the toilet bowl and every time I wipe. It's very sad.

I feel sad. I feel pain and loss for my baby, for my pregnancy, for all my excitement, for the whole experience. It's been so hard, but I'm looking forward to healing and trying again. I know it just wasn't the right time.