I have this good friend who has a poor living situation. She lives in a single room in a rental house of her parents with her husband and two kids who are 4 and 2. Also in the house are her parents, and three of her siblings who are children. So it’s a very very packed house. Only the mother works so they are also very poor. I therefor try to be very sympathetic and sensitive because I know she’s very depressed about her situation. Her husband has mental health issues and can’t/won’t work and her dad is disabled and can’t work.

Anyway, she has recently convinced herself that her 4 year old has asthma. She says when he runs around he breathes hard and wheezes. I see this child often, we go to the park, and he runs around with my kids, and I’ve never seen this child wheeze or not be able to keep up. She took him to two pulmonologists and they said he doesn’t have asthma but maybe has allergies and they prescribed him allergy medication. But she doesn’t believe them and keeps saying he has asthma. She is not going to enroll him into school this fall because of it and says he is too “fragile.” I was like, so you’re gonna homeschool him in a single room when no one in that house has any more than a GED or has any idea about homeschooling…?” (Okay I didn’t say that but I was definitely thinking it).

Here’s the thing. Her living situation. Both of her parents smoke cigarettes and her husband smokes pot (legally). I really think him wheezing is smoke induced and which is why I don’t see it when he’s outside playing with my kids. When I brought this up with her she got really defensive and said “they only smoke outside” and said that “no one believes her that her son is having trouble”. I said I do believe her but I believe it’s his environment and it’s nothing that should be keeping him out of school.

How would you explain this to her? She won’t listen to the doctors or to me but I feel like I have to get through to her and that her dismissiveness about the cause of his issues is just going to continue to get worse.