Why does my life suck so much

I’m in tough spot

My two oldest kids been taken from me due to my ex making up lies about my husband and by child services I ain’t allow to be with my husband or I’ll lose my 3rd child well after iud fail and fall out I’m now pregnant with number four just a month before my husband was getting the snip ,

I know the smart thing is to do the abortion but I’m not in the head state to do it and I don’t know what to do

I know I need to do it but I don’t want to but then if I have this baby I might lose my 3rd and 4th at the same time I had a break down today so badly 😭😭

Anyone went and did the abortion why in this state of mind and been ok ?