Seriously.. what should I do?

When my husband gets mad he literally yells “shut the hell up bitch” or “you’re retarded” things of that nature.

After the fight calms down, and I stay calm and say “I am not speaking to you like this can you please stop” he apologizes and says it got out of hand..

He then is back to normal, and when I am still triggered hours later, he harasses me saying I need to just move on because we can’t change the past blah blah blah. So then the ball is in my court to basically suck it up, and act like he didn’t just call me retarded or a bitch or to shut up.

I am married to his ass, and I do love him. We’ve made a life together over 8 years ago. (No children) but we do have a dog and a home and he has paid for me to get through college and supported me since for ever.

Is this enough for divorce? I don’t even want to divorce even tho In the moment I’m ready to sign the papers. I don’t even know how to react cause like he says, if it’s not divorcable, we should try and let it go. (There are definitely things about me that he could chose to hold onto and he doesn’t. He lets it go cause he knows he’s not gonna divorce me over it)

I’ve brought up a million times once we have children I don’t want them to think this is how you speak to someone when you’re upset. I don’t want them to show those same behaviors either. Or use the same language.

So what would you do? You know you won’t divorce him but it also hurts like hell and makes you want to murder him in the moment.