What to do when your husband doesn make the effort to spend time together ?

Question

Its been 4 years now,and i've been sayingthe sane thing all over again and again... but we never got to that point. 
He is a workaholic... and puts his work above everything else, and keeps calculating eveything. 
And i am so sich and tired of this

Answer

I would do a mixture of both. Create a life outside him, and also insist on time together, even if we have to actually schedule it. If he still flat out doesnt give a hoot to spend any time with me at all, I may reconsider the marriage. My husband worked a ton when he was starting his own business,,I totally got it that his nights were devoted to work, but we can at least have dinner together and go for a walk.

Answer

I would Talk to him one more time… Explain it to him like this… In order for our relationship to survive, I need to feel loved. In order to feel loved, I need you to put effort into quality time with not only me, but our family. Not doing so is putting an incredible strain on our relationship. It will not survive if you are not willing to do these things. So I am here asking you one last time, are you willing to do these things to save our relationship? If the answer is yes… Then start coming up with a schedule together for the quality time you need with him. If the answer is no, then start creating the life you want without him. If you schedule the time and he doesn’t follow through, then follow through on your plans without him.

Answer

Both. PLan date nights together. At the least every 2 weeks you should have a dedicated date night, especially if you aren’t getting time together on a regular basis. However since you keep trying to get him to make it a priority and a lot of time has gone on, I would also focus on doing things yourself that make you happy. Go for coffee with a friend, exercise, take a walk, make other plans. No point waiting around for him to spend time with you if it’s making you unhappy. But for sure do what you can to get him to commit to date nights - plan one at a time. That might be more successful than trying to make him change his daily schedule. I would say though that either he doesn’t get/understand just how much this affects you, or he doesn’t care. Hopefully the first one! Personally this would really frustrate me. My husband travels for work, so his work gets most of his time, and if we didn’t both intentionally prioritize quality time together when he’s home I would be miserable. When he first started traveling since he was busy all the time, he didn’t feel the disconnect and loneliness the way I did, so I had to really communicate my feelings and needs for him to “get” how important it was. When he got it was basically soon after he started traveling and I had broke down and told him I loved him but that my physical and emotional needs were not being met in our marriage anymore and it was really hurting me - that really clicked for him and he’s great now about making that time, calling me regularly when he’s away, etc. 
I hope you guys can work things out better for your marriage and your happiness.

Answer

I’d plan a fun date when you know he has time!! Quality time may just not be his love language, but if it’s your you may have to make the plans for him so you can get that one on one with him

What to do when your husband doesn make the effort to spend time together ?

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