Opinions on "grandmother" ?
I've been having this issue for a while now and would love to get other people's opinions on this situation:
My daughter is 8. Her father and I split when she was 10 months old and he hasn't seen or talked to her since she was 1. My ex's mother has not been a constant figure in my daughters life at all. She likes to pop in and out when its convenient for her. She may call once every 3 months or so. Never consistent. Up until a year ago she lived in Connecticut and my daughter has only seen her a handful of times. She has now moved to Florida where I live about 2 hours away. This year she has only called on holidays and it's usually when I am busy with my family or my boyfriends family. Sometimes I would call her back and sometimes I didn't. In May she left me a very nasty message saying "I just wanted to know if anybody wanted to talk to me"' along with some other rude comments. I called her back a few days later and let her know I will not tolerate her talking to me like that and that her being inconsistent with my daughter for the past 8 years has become a problem. I have a boyfriend now and We have been together for 4 years and have a 3 month old girl. I feel as if we have moved on as a family and my daughter calls my boyfriend dad. She is also questioning things like why she has so many grandmothers. I don't feel like my exs mom fits in anywhere at all. Since we have had the conversation about being consistent, she started to call multiple times in a week at random times and sometimes if we didn't pick up, she would call mutltiple times within the hour or so. I told her just once a week on a set day would be good so that she could talk to her when she is free. She has called on that day but had an attitude when I told her she could call once a week. I listen to the conversation between her and my daughter and there is not much to them. I usually hear her ask my daughter "so do you want to ask me anything?" In which my daughter always responds "no". I also hear her tell her that she can call grandma whenever she wants including this past Thankgiving and now tonight she told her she will be calling on Christmas to speak with her even though there's a set day and time for them to talk. I feel like she's trying to undermine me and not follow my rules. A few weeks ago she called around 8:30 knowing my daughter goes to bed at 8;45 and left a nasty message saying she didn't think it was too late to talk to her since my daughter goes to bed in 15 minutes. I just feel like the stress and inconsistency she causes isn't worth it and the fact that my daughter doesn't show any interest in talking with her makes me wonder should I just cut her out? Any opinions on this? Sorry it's so long but is 8 years of this and would love to hear others opinions.
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