Am I asking for too much?

Question

My boyfriend and I have a 17 month old. He stays home and I work. Well all these past few months I feel like im the one doing everything that if I dont clean it it will never get cleaned for example the bathroom and im just soo tired of him not stepping up and say for example ok every friday or every other friday ima get up early and do the bathrooms or sweep and mop. Like literally he doesnt do any of that stuff. I get home to cook, spend as much time with our baby then once baby goes to sleep Im the one who has to clean the kitchen, sanitize, wash the bottles, the dishes, sweep and mop, plus taking care of me (taking a bath). I been trying to exercise since i been gaining weight and I just dont have time. Everytime I ask him to do something and he does he always has to find something to complain about for example one time he was washing the dishes and there were a few on the rack and he was complaining on how I put them on there and im just like if youre gonna complain then just stop and ill do it. Like today I was soo tired and I told him I would really appreciate if u can wash the dishes while I take a bath so I finished taking a bath and come to the kitchen and he didnt wash them. Like I literally cried bc he just playing his games on the computer with his brother. Maybe so I wouldnt bother him about it. And now im just thinking am I just asking for too much?!? I pay for the mortage of the house. He sometimes helps me with the utilities BUT sometimes hes like I bought this and that so ill just give u half of the utilities. I just think that if i was the one staying home I would be the one doing all of it like ALL OF IT. So he could come home to a clean house and food ready once he gets home. … yes ive asked him to do the dishes or clean the bathroom and he tells me “i dont like doing that” like shiiit me either and I have to do it

Answer

Then his butt would be getting a job and paying for childcare. That’s bull, you aren’t expecting anything over what he should already be doing.

Answer

Girrrrl. No. You are not asking for too much at all. My husband contributes toward ALLLLL the things plus works full time.

Answer

Break up with him. It will get worse and it will drive you insane. You’re better off getting rid of him and paying for childcare. “Free” childcare with him is not worth it if he expects to be taken care like a child. Believe me, I had this same situation and kicking my partner out and going it alone was the best thing ever! I was so much happier creating my own life and not taking care of an incompetent adult. Talk to him. Tell him you are on the brink and it needs to change or you’re out

Answer

You’re not asking too much but your husband he is not ready to step up and do his job

Answer

I suggest you sit down together, take a sheet of paper each and write down which chores you think should be done around the house and how often. Then compare your lists. Discuss which thinks you are OK with doing and which ones you would rather not do. Once you have agreed on what needs to be done, how often and who is responsible, then you will be on the same page. 
For example, my partner is really afraid of ecoli so I clean the bathroom. And I'm not mad about doing laundry, so that's my job. But he does 95% of the cooking and cleaning the kitchen.
And if I don't clean the toilet, it won't get cleaned until I do it . And if he doesn't do the dishes, there will be even more dishes for him tomorrow. But since we both know who's job it is, it's nothing to nag about. Which makes our relationship better overall.
So: Find common understanding, listen to each other.
Decide who does what (maybe you can pay someone to do the things none of you want to do?)
Don't nag if it doesn't get done. Just look the other way and focus on your long-term happiness.
A relationship between parents is far more important than a clean toilet and empty sink. 
Best of luck to the both of you 💖

Answer

I have a 1.5 year old and she is really difficult and clingy. She’s going through a leap and I get up with her because I’m off in the summer and he isn’t. For me, and my husband is realistic and see it because he’s sometimes left with our kids all day as well, that having them house clean and dinner cooked before he gets there isn’t realistic in our house. I still cook but he takes the kids during that time and gives me a break from them. I can clean 10x more and when they’re in bed at night. Even with him working and me not, he runs the vacuum, helps me clean up the kitchen, folds laundry with me, and handles most of of them outside stuff. When we are both working, not much changes. We are a team. When I’m home with the kids I’m entertaining, cleaning when I can, we usually go to the pool or library, and he’ll only get a meal as he’s walking in the door if it’s from the crock pot that I remembered to fill up that morning. When he’s home for the day with them, I usually come home to dishes in the sink and him ready for a break. I personally prefer to work than stay home and by this point in the summer and ready to go back. I think you should approach it to see what you guys can accomplish as a team to keep you both from burn out. Being home doesn’t mean being “off” and relaxing.

Am I asking for too much?

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