Anxious & dismissive I’m losing my mind

We started seeing a couples therapist because it felt like we were never on the same page. He’s always been kind closed off and I’ve always considered myself a big personality.

Come to find out through therapy, he has a dismissive avoidant attachment style and I have an anxious preoccupied attachment style. If you know about these, then you know that we’re basically opposites. If you look at anything with compatibility between the four attachment styles, ours is the most frustrating and hardest to get through.

He dislikes getting too close, needs a lot more alone time, and generally tries to deal with his own stuff.

I need closeness, and I crave hanging out with him. When I have a problem I like to talk through it.

Lately I don’t know what the point is. I ask for affection and he’s like “I’m giving all that I can” and to me his feelings are obviously valid but I just feel so fuckin lonely. Is this going to be forever? He’s working through the trauma that caused him to be dismissive, and I am also working through my trauma that caused the anxiousness.

I genuinely don’t think either of us is trying to hurt the other, but it just feels like I’m desperately trying to give him what he needs so that he’ll eventually give me what I need. And when he does give me what I need it’s crumbs, and I wonder if I’m asking for too much.

I’ve also gotten to a point where I feel like I just don’t want to ask anymore because I know it’ll either be “no” or “a little bit”. And I know he’s giving all that he can and I feel like I’m just taking too much from him.

I don’t know where to go from here.