So my husband deals with mental health problems. He is medicated, has a therapist (but hasn’t seen him for a while) and has a TON of support. When his mental health is in a good place, he loves me more than ever and wants to be with me and never wants to leave. But when his mental health is in a bad place, everything in his head is against me and he questions our relationship. I know that’s not who he is though and when his mental health is good again, he is not feeling that way. That’s why I always stick it out.

So I feel like my husband and I have been in the “roommate” phase for a little while now. I know that this is normal and can happen when there is not enough effort being put into the relationship. So for me it just means we need to put in more effort and focus on each other more than we have been.

For my husband, it makes him think we aren’t compatible. Everything in his mind is against me and he is questioning our relationship (because everything is against me, I feel like this is his mental health speaking). I feel like his thoughts are being amplified because of his mental health and it’s hard for him to see that it is normal and we just need to work on things. He is so confused - which is another sign to me that it is his mental health.

It’s hard because I’m 12 weeks pregnant and I’m not sure what to do. We were obviously in a good place not long ago because we wanted to have another child and we were so happy that I was pregnant. It is just so discouraging especially when being pregnant. We are supposed to be happy about what’s to come. Not questioning if we should be together.

I would never leave my husband because of mental health problems but he says he’s just tired of putting me through this vicious cycle. He is tired of fighting these thoughts that always come back that are against me when his mental health needs attention.

I don’t know what to do. Do I keep fighting for us and just show him we need to be putting more effort in? Do I let him walk away and let him deal with everything on his own? But I feel like his judgement is clouded right now…

He will be seeing his therapist again soon but not for another week. I just don’t know what to do at this point when I know feeling like this about a relationship (feeling like we’re roommates) is okay and means there just needs work to be done but he thinks it means it’s over.

Feel like giving up.

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