Wondering if I’m the only one….

I have a wonderful 2 year old who I adore more than I can explain.

In February of this year I experienced my first pregnancy loss with baby #2. I thought I was “healed” from it, I seemed okay afterwards.

We are now 16 weeks pregnant with baby #3. At first I was waiting until I got out of the second trimester to feel at ease, and to celebrate having another baby! I didn’t even tell close family until then….I felt good and then got my NIPT screening done. I finally started to feel like I could prepare and do things for the new baby coming, and I did. Then I got the results of my NIPT, “not enough fetal DNA.” I am overweight which is a main reason for that (even though that didn’t happen with my first), so they referred me for genetic counseling and to have a level 2 ultrasound done to make sure everything is still good. So I go Tuesday for that. They gave me the option to retest but said more often than not the results come back the same so I decided on the genetic counseling/ultrasound.

But I’ve been back in that rut. I need maternity clothes but won’t buy them because the thought of having to return them (again) like I did with my second pregnancy just kills me. I can’t continue rearranging bedrooms (moving my toddler into a bigger room and giving new baby the smaller room) because of this. I haven’t purchased one single baby item, and when I was pregnant with my first I couldn’t wait to run to target and just buy a pack of onesies. With my second I immediately ordered a “big brother” shirt for my son to announce the pregnancy to family. We have only announced to immediate family. Again, with my first pregnancy I couldn’t wait to post an announcement but I’m scared to because of this test even though there’s no real reason to be. Ugh.