This is my first post, so hopefully I’m doing this right and so sorry it’s so long! I am currently 6 months pregnant with my first child. I recently stopped smoking weed completely after smoking daily all through the first two trimesters. I currently live in a state where marijuana is still illegal and they test the baby’s first poop after delivery. Because of this, if the baby tests positive for THC they will contact CPS, but CPS cannot take the baby away just for marijuana usage. I have been smoking regularly since I was about 13 years old (I’m turning 24 this year) This is due to my severe bipolar, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I have tried almost every med out there and hated the side effects and what it does to me. Smoking weed has been the ONLY thing that helps me with my mental problems, but I’m still prescribed different pills from my psychiatrist that I can take while smoking. Since being pregnant, I have not been able to take any of the medicines I usually take to help regulate bipolar, depression, and anxiety as it’s not approved for pregnant women (and I’m not comfortable taking prescription pills while pregnant anyway, even the ones “approved” to do so). Every appointment my son has been measuring perfect and there’s no concerns with his development… but I honestly believe it’s because I’ve been smoking daily up until recently to help with the anxiety and nausea, as well for my mental well-being as I have uncontrollable mood swings and I’m not able to handle stress well. I tried being honest with my doctor’s nurse at first who told me at 1 month pregnant (my first appointment) that I needed to stop smoking immediately. I knew this would cause extreme stress on me and my baby, so I continued to smoke (way less than usual, but still daily). Every appointment after has been with my actual baby doctor and he has yet to ask or say anything about me smoking weed, so I haven’t brought it up since because I felt so shamed and guilt tripped after that first appointment with his nurse. Everything on the internet makes me feel like a horrible mom already. People are so judgmental and unforgiving to women who admit to smoking during pregnancy. My mom smoked her entire pregnancy with me, as well as several other family members i know who smoked while pregnant. None of us had developmental delays. Those of us in my family who’s mom smoked while pregnant have been above average when it comes to test scores, etc. So I don’t believe those who try to guilt trip moms into thinking something is going to be wrong with their child solely because they smoked weed. Since I have stopped smoking I haven’t been able to keep much more than water down, if that. I’m unable to work most days due to the constant throwing up, inability to sleep, migraines, and some days I’m just too depressed to do anything more than lay in bed. I have zero appetite and almost no feeling of hunger ever. I’m so scared that the rest of my pregnancy is going to be like this and as a result, my baby is not going to continue the growth rate he’s been on the last two trimesters. Part of me wants to keep smoking just to make sure my baby gets what he needs and I’m not a complete emotional wreck 24/7. At times I feel like I would rather deal with a call from CPS than not be able to carry my son to full term. I am doing the best I can, but I still feel like I’m failing. I would love to hear honest experiences and advice from other mothers who smoked while pregnant, without the judgment and BS claims that have zero study evidence to back it up. I already feel bad enough, I just want to know I’m not alone 🫤