If he doesn’t have sex with me, I feel unloved.

Where do I even begin.

*TRIGGER WARNING SA*

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and started hooking up with guys. I then decided I wanted to try going on dates instead but then realized very quickly that I would leave feeling unhappy because they didn’t mention sex at all. I know how crazy that sounds, most girls are begging for a guy that doesn’t wanna just get in her pants, but for me if a guy doesn’t immediately make it obvious that he wants sex, I feel like he doesn’t like me. I’m writing this because last night it happened again and I explained how I felt to the guy, he said it was out of respect for me but idk. Maybe it stems from my lack of self esteem, because I can’t imagine a guy liking me for anything other than my huge tits and ass. It might also have to do with my sexual assaults, i was first molested by my cousin when I was 6, and then raped when I was 17, and again a few months ago (I’m 20 now). I’m wondering if anyone else has felt the same and how you overcame it, books, self reflection prompts?