I'm gross

I'm so mad that I have an STD even 13 years later I still cry whenever it gives me trouble. I was a teenager and my boyfriend pressured me into having oral sex. My biggest regret is letting a boy pressure me into anything I didn't want to do. Im so mad I have to say I have herpes and he gets to go not needing to inform anyone he gets "cold sores." I've been with 2 guys my entire life and yet I end up with an STD and feel assumed, slutty and judged whenever I have to mention it to a doctor. I feel ashamed when I have to turn my husband down for sex because I'm having "issues."