VBAC hope!

Maggie

My appointment today included an elective cervix check. Elective, I chose to do it, I wanted it lol. Every time I say cervix check I get the comments about how you can refuse them.

I digress. My cervix is soft and baby is at -2.5 station and engaged (she said when she pushed baby didn't move backward so that's good I guess?) We are 37+5 today. She also said she was comfortable with me going to 41 weeks to attempt a VBAC delivery instead of a c section. I was elated to have the extra time and confidence of my doctor. The other doctors in the office have been saying 40 weeks is the cutoff.

I told my husband tonight and he said he doesn't like it and wouldn't want me to go to 41 weeks for 2 reasons:

1. He can't push his paternity leave back and is concerned about having less time 'as a family'. This is our second child and frankly I could use the help having him home because I work from home and have our 3yo home too.

2. The chance of uterine rupture increases after 40 weeks, which is valid but I did discuss with my doctor today and she said it's a minor increase until 41 weeks and that's mostly when more VBAC plans start to fall apart.

He also went on to say that since I'm not walking a ton yet and we aren't having sex he sees the chance of me having another c section anyway as pretty high.

I was expecting a happy response because it gives me a better chance to go into labor and I He met with a really negative response. I'm a little upset and want to respect his wishes and opinion but can't help but feel that they're a little selfish on his end. I want to have this conversation with him in a productive and kind way and just feel like lashing out at him right now.

174 views • 0 upvotes • 13 comments

COMMENT (13)

Ja

Posted at
Go with your doctors medical recommendation, not your husbands opinion

Ma

Maggie • Sep 22, 2022
Thank you! I want to ask him to come to my appointment next week to talk to the OBGYN but he has work obligations most week days until late so I've been doing it all myself lop

br

Posted at
This experience is yours and your babies, not your husbands. I don’t mean to sound rude but who cares how he feels. A c section is a surgery, and you shouldn’t have to be put through that because it’s more convenient for him. I am attempting a VBAC as well and once I hit 37 weeks I’m going to start eating dates and using my breast pump. Could you ask your doc to do a membrane sweep to help things along?

br

briseis • Sep 22, 2022
Ohh gotcha. Well I’ve heard sex helps too. We’re going to start with that daily once I hit 36 weeks

Ma

Maggie • Sep 22, 2022
And she said as soon as I'm dilated enough she can try a membrane sweep for me as well, so fingers crossed I dilate this time. Didn't at all with my first.

Ma

Maggie • Sep 22, 2022
I've been doing pineapple instead of dates, and walking a ton

He

Posted at
Agree that his reasons sound primarily selfish- why intervene if it’s unnecessary? Not sure people (men) really understand what recovery after a c section is like, especially with a toddler

Ma

Maggie • Sep 22, 2022
With our first he didn't have any PTO, so he didn't really see what recovery was. I'm also mostly a silent sufferer so I didn't really complain or harp on it too much, just did what I had to do

Al

Posted at
I’m going for my second vbac and I can go to 42 weeks, have you told him the risks of a repeat csection as well

Ma

Maggie • Sep 22, 2022
He says he understands them but keeps worrying about uterine rupture

La

Posted at
First off hugs to you because I couldn’t imagine my hubs not being supportive of me having a vbac. But my hubs also seen my recovery with a vaginal birth and then a C-section and knows first hand how different the recovery is with both of them. Are you part of the vbac group on fb? I’m sure they would have some great resources for you so that you could show your husband the exact statistics and how much better a vbac would be for you.

La

La • Sep 22, 2022
I get it.. especially when drs and midwives try to use the scare tactic that your chance of uterine rupture increases after so many weeks 🙄. I feel like I am constantly reading the different posts on that group just so I can continue to educate myself on how to prepared to advocate for myself. I’m worried my midwife has been supportive of a vbac but is more tolerant than anything. Especially after meeting with the other midwives in the group and one flat out asking me today why I don’t want a repeat C-section 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️

Ma

Maggie • Sep 22, 2022
Thank you! I looked up the group and requested to join. He said he'd support whatever I decide but I was definitely after making it very clear that he didn't like the idea of going past our due date.