TW: Miscarriage

I found out this morning that my HCG levels dropped from 297 mL on 10/01 to 67 mL on 10/05. I’m having a miscarriage. I haven’t had any bleeding yet. This is my fourth one. I don’t know how to get through this. I don’t even want to. I’m done trying to conceive. I don’t even want kids anymore. I cannot go through this again. I told my whole family. I really thought that there was no way it would happen again. I was so angry I ripped up my Bible because how evil does “God” have to be to do this? I’m sure I’ll regret that later. Anyway, I just wanted to rant. I work as a TA at a daycare. My last day is November 11th because I didn’t want to work there pregnant and now I wish it was sooner. I cannot handle taking care of 19 toddlers knowing that I’ll probably never have any of my own. Good luck to everyone TTC/who is pregnant. Sending love.