So backstory a little. I had sex one time and got pregnant. This is my third child so it’s not like I can’t handle another baby. I had a daughter only 14 months ago and another child three and half years ago. This child was very unexpected. I ovulated the week my grandma passed away and I ovulated super early somehow. I also somehow became pregnant off of one time that week I thought I wasn’t ovulating but was. I am the biggest I have ever been which for some might not be big but it’s big for me and it’s hard. I never lost baby weight from baby one or two I’ve just gotten bigger. My clothes don’t fit. I had to start working during this year because of finances being so tight. We live in Cali and don’t have good jobs. I am currently a full time student online three classes away from my BA. I am already 21 weeks and have to have a c section with this pregnancy and I don’t want to. I had emergency last time and it was so traumatic. I can’t keep up on housework. I keep self sabotaging my relationship for I don’t know what reason. I can’t seem to stop spending money. I’m having panic attacks everyday. I’ve had them all my life but they’re especially high right now. I sob everyday that I’m not good enough for my kids, for my husband for my family. I cry because I don’t know what to do. I just ugh this is all over the place I’m sorry I just don’t know what to do anymore….