Where do I even begin?

I started getting SA'd starting, I believe, at 5 or 6 years old. It started with a cousin who was 5 (?) years older than me. I can't remember exactly how long it went on. The only thing I can remember clearly was that he had put on some p*rn on when it was just me and him in his room. Only reason why i remember this particular time was because I clearly remember him telling him I didn't want to do it because it looked like it hurt. He was telling me it wasn't going to hurt and I remember him taking his pants off and all but a knock at his door saved me. I quickly ran out of the room. I guess at that age I didn't understand that what he was doing was wrong. But other than that, I can't remember anything else. At age 7 or 8, it continued with 2 other cousins. This may seem disgusting but i got so used to it that by the time i was 13-14, i think I started to look forward to whenever they would pull me aside from everyone else. It makes me sick just thinking about me possibly ending up "liking" it. It all came to a stop at age 14 when they all got girlfriends. Now, I'm 26 years old and this all came back to me because during the weekend my younger sister asked me if during our childhood I had been molested. I was SO tempted to tell her no but since we were alone I decided to tell her the truth. She told me she understood because she had been molested as well growing up. She said she always saw our cousins taking me away and she always thought it was weird. But once some of our cousins started doing the same to her, she understood. And that's when i understood why she

was so depressed growing up. Why she self harmed. And I feel like the worst "big sister". Because there was a time when we were growing up when i SO badly wanted to ask her if she had been touched but i never had the guts to because i was so afraid I'd get in trouble. I don't blame my mother at all. I love her. But i just felt like I couldn't tell them because I'd get in trouble for doing something bad. If only i would've said something back then, maybe my sister wouldn't have grown up so depressed. I was thinking i was having the worst childhood when she was going through the same thing. I feel like i failed her in protecting her. She told me who they were and we had 2 people in common but the other two i am sort of close to. But not anymore. Not after knowing what they did to my sister. She's telling me that maybe we will feel better if we finally tell mom. But I am scared. I'm scared she won't believe me and we won't have the close relationship I currently have with her. She is close to all the guys who SA'd

my sister and I. The majority of them are her fav sister's kids. Any thoughts?